Understanding Domestic Abuse and How to Get Help:
Domestic abuse is any single incident, course of conduct, or pattern of abusive behaviour between individuals aged 16 or over who are “personally connected” to each other. This personal connection is defined as being or having been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. Children who see, hear or experience the effects of the abuse and are related to either of the parties are also considered victims of domestic abuse.
Behaviour is “abusive” if it consists of any of the following:
- physical or sexual abuse
- violent or threatening behaviour
- controlling or coercive behaviour
- economic abuse
- psychological, emotional, or other abuse.
This includes incidences where the abusive party directs their behaviour at another person (e.g. a child). Economic abuse refers to any behaviour that has a substantial adverse effect on someone’s ability to acquire, use or maintain money, property, or obtain goods or services.
For the full legal definition of domestic abuse, see Part 1 of the Domestic Abuse Act or read the Home Office's Domestic Abuse easy-read leaflet.
Domestic Abuse Support - where to go for help (PDF)
IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 999
In an emergency call 999.
We recognise that each person's experiences are unique and that you will already be making decisions to manage your situation as best you can. The following information provides information on some things which have been found to be helpful, although we recommend where possible that you work alongside a domestic abuse specialist to develop a detailed safety plan based on your individual situation.
The Wokingham Domestic Abuse Service, delivered by Cranstoun is here to help you and your family keep safe and access emotional and practical support. You can contact them on 0118 402 1921, email dass@cranstoun.org.uk or complete the online referral form on the Cranstoun website.
Our safety planning leaflet provides details on some of the ways you can keep safer, including teaching your children how to phone for help; trying to avoid risk areas in your home when you feel the situation is escalating; thinking through how you can get to a safe place if an incident feels imminent, and things to consider keeping together in a safe place so if you need to flee in an emergency.
Domestic Abuse - Safety Planning
Financial support
Advice and resources for people trying to become financially independent from their abuser.
Bank accounts
If you've left your abuser and you have a joint bank account, withdraw any money that's yours. Then deposit it into a new bank account that's only in your name.
Then tell your bank that you've separated from your partner. You can ask them to remove your name from the account. It will also prevent you from being responsible for any bills or overdrafts that belong to your partner.
Universal Credit
Universal Credit is a benefit for people of working age who are on a low income or are out of work. Read our Universal Credit page for more details.
Housing Benefit
You may be able to claim Housing Benefit to help with rent, if you’re on a low income.
You can apply for Housing Benefit, or continue to claim Housing Benefit, if one of the following applies to you:
- You live in supported accommodation
- You live in temporary accommodation provided by a Council
- You have more than 2 children
- You are of Pension Credit age
- You are a severely disabled person
If none of the above applies to you, apply for Universal Credit instead.
Council Tax reduction
If you're living with someone or are married, you're jointly responsible for your partner's Council Tax. If you split up or maintain separate lives within the same household, contact us to let us know.
Your Council Tax bill may be reduced, depending on your circumstances. Read our Council Tax discounts and appeals page for more details.
Sure Start Maternity Grant
The Sure Start Maternity Grant is a one-off payment to help towards the cost of having a baby. You should qualify if it's your first child (or you're expecting twins or triplets) and you already claim benefits.
Find out more about the Sure Start Maternity Grant on the Gov.uk website.
Child maintenance
It may be possible for changes to be made to the way in which child maintenance payments are made. Child maintenance is financial support that goes towards your child’s every-day living costs when you’re separated from the other parent.
You can arrange for child maintenance payments with your ex-partner, if they're agreeable. This is called a ‘family-based arrangement’. A family-based arrangement is a way of arranging child maintenance privately. Both parents arrange everything themselves and no-one else has to be involved.
If you can't come to an agreement, you can apply for child maintenance with the child maintenance service.
Find out more about child maintenance on the Gov.uk website.
Pension Credit
If you're of pension age you may able to claim Pension Credit. Visit the Gov.uk website for details.
More help
Visit the Gov.uk website for details of more benefits you may be entitled to.
Our directory provides information on local service and support which may be available to you, including practical help, such as access to food banks and support in maintaining your tenancy.
The Wokingham Directory
Housing options
Removing yourself from an abusive living situation
Emergencies
If you're in immediate danger, call 999.
Emergency housing
Contact us for homelessness advice if you're at risk of becoming homeless.
Refuge accommodation
Refuges are safe houses for people who are escaping domestic abuse. Refuges offer safety and support.
You can also access refuge accommodation by calling:
- The National Domestic Abuse Helpline for female victims on 0808 2000 247 or
- The Male Advice Line (for male and LGBT+ victims) on 0808 801 0327
Stay with a friend or family member
Stay with a friend or family member, if it's safe to do so. Your partner might guess where you are so this may only be a short-term solution. If you live in a council home, contact your housing officer for support as soon as possible, especially if you can't stay in your home.
Free home security measures
We run a free Home Refuge scheme that provides additional security in your home if your abuser has left.
The scheme can provide limited equipment such as door chains, flap lock letterboxes and window/door alarms to help you to feel safer in your home.
Call our Housing Needs team on 0118 974 6000, then choose option 4, then option 3, or email home.refuge@wokingham.gov.uk for details.
Pet fostering
If you can't take your pet with you, when you leave your abusive partner, fostering is available through:
Legal protection
Find out about your legal rights to protection from abuse.
Know your rights
If you're frightened of your partner (or ex-partner) you have a legal right to be protected. Being assaulted by someone you know, or live with, is just as much a crime as violence from a stranger, and often more dangerous.
You can:
- Apply for a civil court order to stop your partner/abuser from harassing or hurting you, or to keep out of or away from your home
- Get help with emergency or temporary accommodation
- Get help from the Family Courts to protect your children
Get an injunction
You can apply for an ‘injunction’ if you’ve been the victim of domestic abuse. An injunction is a court order that either:
- Protects you or your child from being harmed or threatened by the person who’s abused you - this is called a ‘non-molestation order’
- Decides who can live in the family home or enter the surrounding area - this is called an ‘occupation order’
Read the getting an injunction page on the Gov.uk website for details about applying for an injunction.
Legal aid
You can apply for an injunction yourself in person, through the Citizens Advice CourtNav service or other emergency injunction services. As there are often ongoing, complex issues to navigate particularly where there will be child contact arrangements to make, speaking to a family solicitor can be very helpful.
Some solicitors offer free initial appointments or fixed fee options, and you may also be able to get free legal representation through legal aid. Legal aid can help pay for legal advice, family mediation and representation at a court and you can check to see if you are eligible through the online legal aid checker.
Citizens Advice and Flag DV are local services who can help you and provide details of local solicitors who offer legal aid or you can access a searchable list of solicitors who specialise in family law who are based locally.
Sources of support
For emergencies call 999
In an emergency, call the police on 999.
Speak to the operator if it is safe for you to do so, even by whispering as this will enable them to understand your situation. You may be asked to cough or tap the keys on your phone to answer questions.
Can't talk
If you find yourself in a situation where it isn't safe for you to speak openly, you can still seek and receive help.
- If you are phoning from a landline and the operator can only hear background noises, they’ll transfer your call to the police, even if you don’t speak or answer questions
- If you replace the handset, the landline may remain connected for 45 seconds in case you pick it up again
- Calling 999 from a landline automatically gives the police information about your location
- If you are using a mobile phone press 55 when prompted and your call will be transferred to the police who will be able to assist you without you having to speak. Calling from a mobile, even if you have pressed 55 will not enable the police to track your location
Recognise the signs and where to seek help.
Domestic abuse is a serious issue that affects people of all ages, genders and backgrounds. It is essential for teenagers to be aware of this problem so that you can recognise the signs, understand its impact and know where to seek help.
Domestic abuse occurs when one person in a relationship seeks to control and dominate the other through various forms of abusive behaviour. This can happen between romantic partners or family members where both parties are aged 16 or over.
You may be affected by domestic abuse as a result of living in a situation where there is domestic abuse between the adults, or it may be that it is something which is happening in your own personal relationship. It is important to remember that abuse is never acceptable and the fault for this is firmly with the person who is being abusive.
What is child to parent abuse?
If you are experiencing abuse from your child, or grandchild, – whether they are a teenager or an adult – you are not alone. Child to Parent Abuse (CPA) can be frightening, isolating and overwhelming, but help and support are available.
This abuse can take many forms, including physical harm, verbal threats, emotional manipulation or financial control. Whatever the reason behind the behaviour, the responsibility lies with the person who is choosing to abuse, not the person who is being abused.
Recognising the signs
You might notice:
- Physical injuries or damage to your home
- Feeling anxious, fearful or walking on eggshells
- Being isolated from friends and family
- Financial strain caused by demands or theft
- Emotional exhaustion or depression
It can feel hard to speak out, especially if you are worried about what will happen to your child but no one deserves to feel in fear of their child and help is available.
How to get help
In an emergency call 999
The Wokingham Domestic Abuse Service is able to provide support for child to parent abuse and can be contacted at:
You can also access support through PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support) who support parents, carers and guardians who are experiencing Child to Parent Abuse (including where the child is an adult.)
Discovering that someone you care about is experiencing domestic abuse can be a distressing and overwhelming experience.
As a friend, family member or colleague, your support and understanding can play a vital role in helping them navigate this difficult situation.
The following information provides some guidance on how you may be able to support your loved ones, whilst recognising that every situation will be unique.
It should be remembered that the fault for abuse lies firmly with the person who is undertaking the abuse and not with the victim-survivor.
Recognising the Signs:
One of the first steps in supporting someone experiencing domestic abuse is recognising the signs. These signs may include physical injuries, depression, anxiety, isolation, frequent absences from work or social activities or changes in behaviour. More detail about the signs can be found at www.wokingham.gov.uk/domesticabuse
Listen Non-Judgmentally and Validate Feelings:
Creating a safe place for the person to share their experiences is crucial. Listen attentively, without judgement or blame, and let them know that you believe and support them. Validating their feelings and experiences can help them regain their confidence and trust their own judgement, which may have been undermined by the abuser.
Respect their Autonomy and Choices:
Whilst it is natural to want to intervene and take control of the situation, it is essential to respect the person’s autonomy and empower them to make their own decisions. Understand that leaving an abusive relationship is a complex and highly personal process. Instead of pressuring them to leave, focus on providing information about available resources and supporting them in their decision-making process.
Encourage Professional Support:
Encourage and support the person in seeking seek professional help from organisations specialising in domestic abuse, such as the Wokingham Domestic Abuse Support Service (0118 402 1921). These professionals can provide guidance, safety planning and emotional support tailored to the individual’s unique needs. See Sources of Support (www.wokingham.gov.uk/domesticabuse)
Help Create a Safety Plan:
Developing a safety plan is crucial for individuals experiencing domestic abuse. The domestic abuse services can assist in creating a unique plan for the individual based on their situation and help your family member or friend feel more in control of their situation. As a family member or friend, you can also help with this process as the person thinks through how they can identify safe places to go if the situation is escalating or they are in fear, considering if it is safe for an emergency bag to be packed and stored somewhere safe, documenting evidence of abuse and establishing a code word or signal for emergencies. For more information see www.wokingham.gov.uk/domesticabuse
Be Patient and Available:
Supporting someone through domestic abuse is a long-term commitment. It is essential to be patient, understanding and available whenever they need to talk or seek support. Recognise that leaving an abusive relationship can be a process that takes time and your continued presence and support can make a significant difference in their journey.
Take Care of Yourself:
Supporting someone through domestic abuse can be emotionally draining. It is crucial to prioritise your own well-being and seek support for yourself as well. Reach out to your support network (if safe to do so), support services or helplines that can provide guidance and assistance in coping with your own emotions.
Useful Telephone Numbers and Websites:
Wokingham Domestic Abuse Service (can offer guidance for those worried about someone else): 0118 402 1921
IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 999